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Saturday/Sunday 9th/10th October 1999 1.50.a.m. Home Huntingdon

After Holy Communion Jesus asked me if I was ready for the second half of the sixteen Rosebuds? He said that I was not to anticipate and that there would be surprises. I have mulled much both with Michael and alone the words of Fr. Peter and what he thought of as our house here - as Nazareth. and any other house. We have also tried to ponder our call and the houses available in view of Our Mothers directives to wait to be told and to be prudent. We went to explore the very cheap options of Peterborough. But we both feel that for the time being we have been placed here and this is where we stay until we are told to move or do anything else.

Jesus help me - Again an other disturbed night with my poor father whose 'ravings' at night are so distressing.

Mummy Mary help me focus on your Son, Jesus so that I receive His call and message.

Mary.... Halina say one 'Hail Mary' with me slowly.........

JESUS.... Be not troubled. Relax for you are too tense sweet one to hear MY voice. Little one do not fear. I am always with you and continue to guide you. Stay still and wait for the next rosebud. Wait in Holy Peace. Do not strain - it's to no avail, as you know. I will reveal to you what I wish in MY time, not yours.

Now Halina open the book next to your bed.

( I opened the works of ST. John of the Cross on page 81- in the middle and read the next two pages.)

Did you understand? Write down what struck you.

H....The first thing that struck me was that we should not seek visions and dreams of revelation for God speaks through Man and especially priests and prophets.

JESUS.... Quite so Halina. What else?

H.... It struck me that it is necessary to share what has been given and that when something has been given a man does not feel content until this has been shared.

JESUS.... What else?

H.... - that this is not what I expected but it is wondrous. So rich, so relevant. Thank you Jesus.

JESUS.... I teach you in many ways. Now do you understand what I meant by anticipation? ---Anything I give you is gift. A gift beyond your comprehension and deserts. You do not have to wait for a Rosebud for I shower you with roses every moment of your existence. See what a teacher I gave you in Father Peter. Learn from him. Trust him completely. You feel you held back. Yes you did but I wanted you to experience this 'pain'. for you were / are right it,s a betrayal of trust. How can he help you if you do not say what is in your heart. Right or wrong - say it !! A good path to humility ... Truth.

Now Halina open the book again on page 306.

Now what word jumps out at you? (apart from my intede reproach to you for your lack of control at times - but I know you are aware of it and I will give you the 'grace to conquer this tendency of the tongue)

H.... The word is Meekness Jesus.

JESUS.... Yes Halina Meekness.

The next Rosebud is MEEKNESS.

There you go again thinking - ' oh but that's like humility'. Really Halina - do you know this for certain.? - Listen to what I tell you.

Meekness is not the same quality of spirit as humility. They are related. Just as Purity and Chastity are related so too are Meekness and Humility.

I am Meek and Humble of Heart - remember Halina. If they were the same would both words be used? No they would not. Meekness is a quality that very few people today posses. It is thought of as weakness or unnecessary subjugation. Yet meekness is a fine gift of the Holy Spirit. It is both gift and fruit. A meek and submitted spirit is not aggressive or strident. It has been gifted with total surrender. It has learnt to bend low and think itself as nothing, as unable by its own resources to do any task. It is pliable and compliant. it is led down this path so that thinking itself as nothing, it gives praise to the Creator and is grateful for all things. Learn Meekness, Halina. The gift is given but it can be practiced in submission and surrender. When a spiritual gift is given, it gives great offence to the Father if it is ignored and not utilised. Meekness is also a fruit for great self-giving, great sacrifice and therefore true love produces in the spirit a meekness which is a fruit of that self-giving. I was a Meek Sacrifice - I surrendered to MY Father. I went meekly to My execution and My final consummation. My Sacrifice produced meekness for all the Body - an example of how to return to the Father.

To be meek in all adversity, to be little and self-giving, requires much prayer. it is a quality which does not puff one up with pride but the reverse of this - total lack of any feeling of self-worth. Oh how I hear them scream in Hell. For today you Mankind find it essential to find and seek self- worth, to esteem yourself. But surely it is the Father who must esteem you, and He does not require any spirit to evaluate its own worth. He loves each unconditionally and esteems every part of creation. If you are esteemed by the Father then that is all that is necessary. You do not have to throw accolades at yourself of worthiness. No one is worthy of self esteem. Only Father, Son and Spirit are to be esteemed. If the soul appreciates the Magnitude of the Trinity he will not grow fond of self esteem.

Halina, Stop now and say the Chaplet to Divine Mercy and sleep.

Good night, Little Cactus.


Again confirmation - Fr. Nicholas preaches on not looking for self-esteem and self-worth or a 'true self' but that, what we have in common in Christ. ( following St. Paul's epistle during ).

All this at the next Mass immediately following the Message. You astonish me Lord!



Thursday 13/14th October 1999 5.26.a.m. Home Huntingdon.

( On returning home from hospital with my father his catheter having become dislodged again.)

JESUS.... Your fathers agony will soon be over, but your agony unsurpassed - 'lessed' if you surrender all the things that you could not have in this life to Me. Meekness and submission go hand in hand. Meek does not mean weak. Meekness is a quality of mind and heart that leans on the Heart of Me, Jesus, and rests there in quiet repose. If you pick up a little lamb and put it round your neck or cradle it in your arms, it will surrender its body to you gladly relaxing into yours - remember the little lamb in Pembrokeshire? It will not fight you or try to get free - it will gently bleat and cling to your warmth and your comfort. So you too must be my little lamb. Seek comfort from ME, only Me for I am Meek and Humble of Heart and I will give your heart peace and comfort. Do not struggle or fear for I assuage all fear and bring stillness to the spirit. Real love casts out fear, and I will cast out your fear for I love you and will not harm you.

You are thinking of your son on his proposed travels. Do not fret for I have My plans for him and much can still change. He too must submit, but notice how I have started to gain ground in his heart. He wishes to go to Belize, and Mexico, New Mexico all places where the Society, MY Mothers, flourish. You see I have him in mind and your prayer for him is being answered. he has already made his choice about service. let him work this out - guide and encourage him.

Repeat often the words 'Jesus Meek and Humble of Heart make my heart like unto thine Yes, I submitted to MY Father and was meekness itself in His presence for as Son I knew that MY Fathers will was paramount. My Mission could not be complete without this meekness. My Father received MY Body into His arms from the Cross and held Me closely to Himself. Repose on me and My Father will receive us into His tender arms. Come with Me to the Fathers house. Come through Me for I am the way to the Fathers House. If you come with Me and through Me you will not get get lost for I know the way and I am the Way. Copy Me, do as I did and do as I do then all your efforts will not be in vain for I will channel your desires into the Heart of the Trinity and they will become purified by My Blood spilt so lovingly for all the little lambs of MY Father. Do not fear death - to die for love is a great act of surrender and if you know what awaits, you would not tarry. Love Me and I will teach you all you need to know to enter My Fathers house Your home is there and nowhere else.

Do not be afraid. Be meek always.

H.... Jesus I find this very hard to do. Somehow my spirit rebels at such lack of freedom. Oh Jesus, how silly. You have always explained 'true freedom' so I cannot balk at this. But I am weak not meek. Please help me.

JESUS.... MY Spirit will guide you into Meekness. Your resistance will go bit by bit as I require all your self - every part of you. Please surrender. Fall into My Heart like a Lamb, Halina- Little Bethlehem lamb. Remember they were temple lambs for sacrifice. Sacrifice yourself freely and meekly for love of Me and serve others. I will always be your Teacher and Guide. Be at peace Lambkin. Stay close to Me, Tender One, for I love you with all the Passion of My Most Tender and Wounded Heart.

Now close the book and have some more sleep.

I love you. Your Jesus.


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