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Wednesday 10th. November 1999. 10.30. a.m. Church of the Sacred Heart St. Ives.
After Mass During Adoration.

Halina keep My Word.
I was reluctant to take my book out in front of everyone in this church. I suppose I was enjoying my anonymity and silence - privacy. Jesus reproached me with the above words. He reminded, me that He kept the Fathers word by Dying on the Cross. he became transfixed/pierced and He was the Word as He was dying the word became life, the means of life for others. 
Jesus asked me why the reluctance and I admitted to the above. He reminded me that they were not my words and that 'dying' was what was asked for.
I took out my book.

JESUS....Halina I Jesus see all things. It matters not what others think of you - Not all people perceive and judge in the same way as you. It does not matter what they think, does it?
Halina - your father is dying pray much for him for his struggle is enormous. Pray also for Michael that his death may be a sanctification for Michael, a means of self control, a special grace.
Halina I wish to give you the twelfth Rosebud but I want you to stop for a second and empty all your thoughts.

H.... Jesus there aren't too many, I feel drained.

JESUS.... Yes, that's right - you are drained but under your thoughts are streams of little fears and anxieties that do not permit clarity of vision and transmission, if you place something between an aerial and the receiver it does not clearly receive. Halina what thoughts are going through your head?

H.... Two words Lord - Intolerance and Trust.

JESUS.... Yes, I put both of them there, but the first is for your personal reflection, the second is from My Heart to yours.
The words I inspired you to say a few years ago that Chris, your friend, wrote out as they touched him and he knew he could not attain to 'it' at the time, were 'Truth'. Can you now attain to these words? When you get home write them down at the foot of this page. Now Halina - Can you Trust? What a gift this is, what a privilege!

The reference was: " Trust is the most difficult commodity. It takes so little to dissuade us from it, yet it is utterly freeing. It enables us to fly in the face of adversity. Soar." (1996).

Thursday 11th. November 1999 4.00 p.m. Home Feast of St. Martin of Tours.

JESUS.... Halina, You are troubled and tense because you have not responded to My call instantly. I told you that any small act of disunity will cause you much pain and internal discomfort. You also know that you should be writing out the Rosebuds for Fr. Peter and Denis but busy yourself with other things even good ones but this is your main duty of the moment.
Your father grieves you deeply - offer him up to Me and to My mother. Enter into My Passion through him. Every time you have to enter into his 'lair' think of Me in the temple with the merchants and traders or before Pilate or with the Pharisees.
Halina deliverance is not an 'option'. Remember you must free your father before it is too late and time is very short now as you can see. He is the epitome of the men of this world that you have all around you. Once again other trials and tribulations have been sent to you. Keep still and do not let the evil one tempt you from the security you have in Me, in My Words ,in MY Body.
Now Halina seek out that verse/lines that I gave you in and by inspiration.
" Trust is the most difficult commodity. It takes so little to dissuade us from it yet it is utterly freeing. It enables us to fly in the face of adversity. Soar." (1996) 
What do you think of these words ? You were surprised when Chris copied them out and a little embarrassed. Indeed you did not recognise them as your own. Well Halina in a way they were not for I put them there! (smile) You see how well I remember all the details of your life and how I have all things in My heart and everything is for a purpose.
How can you not trust Me when I know everything about you and My Soul intention is to bring you spiritual good and to bring you to My Fathers Home. I cannot ever harm you. EVER........
It is not possible for the Son of Man and the the Son of God to do harm to anything that is created by My Father. I had vouchsafed to Me - I was trusted with the Redemption, Salvation of Mankind - The Father trusted Me with this Holy Work and I trusted Him so completely that I did His Holy Will in all things. I was begotten for a purpose and I fulfilled it completely. The trust I had lives in Me and all My followers. All who are the sheep of the flock must copy Me. If I trust so you must trust even unto death. It is impossible for man to trust without Faith for you cannot trust in a vacuum. You have to trust in someone. When that 'someone' is the Divine Son of the Trinity it should be obvious that faith enables you to enter that truth and Love secures it. Trust in Me. Trust every fibre of your body make it intermingle with My fibres. When I enter into your heart by the action of the Holy Spirit or when I fuse into your soul by entering into the body by Holy Communion I become one flesh so that you cannot be separate. The more close is our intimacy the closer too is the trust. Although you often use the phrase mankind - " Oh I would not trust myself to do such and such - in reality man trusts himself completely. All action, thought deed would be impossible (otherwise) Men would not be able to function without this intense belief in his ability to do something. How could he jump if he did not believe deeply that he could. Or how could he count if he did not believe that he could etc. Halina. Now if you can trust in your own abilities ( which are not yours anyway) then how is it you cannot trust in the Creator of All things and His Loving Son. You Man are not sensible. If you believe that you can do something you set out to do, if you believe in Me can you not act in Me?
When I enter into you it is I who act on your behalf so that , if you permit Me I act for you. If you believe that I am there then I am free to act for you and you cannot fail for I act with and for you. Furthermore, the apostles worked in my Name and they succeeded when when they did because they believed that I was with them at all times and in them them at all times. They knew to invoke My Name was sufficient. They were united in Me by Faith, Grace , Unity.
If you believe in Me then you too must trust in Me - the two go together and yet man you do not trust Me but yourselves.

Yet deeply you do not trust me and even yourselves for though you trust your abilities you do not believe in your spiritual abilities. As you do not believe that they exist or that you have them you do not trust in yourselves to use these. You then cannot share in Grace. The Holy Spirit cannot lead you to use them and so you believe that the are somehow beyond you. But WOE Mankind for you have gone further than this. You do not believe that I the Son of God have these Powers and Gifts. You have relegated your faith in Me and abnegated your Trust in Me and reduced it to superstition or a kind of nice legend. Some have denied Me the Godhead. Many see Me as a " Good Man", a philosopher, others deny I ever lived. Fools. Are you greater than the Father who sent Me. Fools. Trust yourselves and you trust the poverty of your faith and love. Trust in Me and I will become All in All for you. Nothing will become impossible for you. Nothing. In My Name you can raise the dead, caste out demons. Heal. You can do all things. In Me you find the fount of All Goodness, All Mercy, All Kindness. and Knowledge for I lead you to the Father.
Why do you not trust Me?
Siostra (Sister) Faustyna was sent to instruct you all for the Father saw what was happening to you all and that trust had been abandoned. She received from Me the recipe for return to that trust "Jesus I Trust In You " - " Jezu Ufam Tobie " I opened My Tender heart to her and she revealed her heart by sharing this message.

Yet as you approach the end of your century how many souls trust in Me? Oh few -- oh oh so few. When you do not trust Me, you cannot trust each other. So then what do you, you build walls, you defend yourselves, you build structures to protect yourselves and fight for your rights. You lose love and kindness, tolerance and servanthood.
Man, Man, look to Me. Look only to Me, trust in Me. What do I have to do to make you understand. Gird yourselves to Me. At all times put your little boats in MY Harbour. My Harbour is vast. Come, you can all fit into My Heart. Come quickly - now before the tempest floods your little frail boats. Please, please come.

As for you Halina, I will not tolerate any mistrust on your part for you are Mine and I have anchored you securely. Always trust Me totally. I have taught you how to do this. I should not have to repeat My instruction. When you fail then throw yourself at My Mercy. Never lose sight of the End, for it is there that you will see the purpose. Always look to Me for every Graced Moment, a moment with the Life of the Holy Spirit. Please hand this trust on to others. You have a gift, an inward trust which was given at birth. This is how I secured you. It is your means of survival, but sometimes you let your emotions and brains sway you like a tall pine tree. But you are a Cactus. They don't sway in the breeze, so do not bend and bow. Put all that is unnecessary in the waste bin. It is a waste of time and gets you nowhere, and how the 'evil one' enjoys such games,.
I will explain to you a little more of what is happening to you later. Be ready. Now read this to Michael.

I love you Cactus Flower. Trust in Me, your Harbour. 5.p.m.

Monday 15th November 1999 11.55.p.m. Home Huntingdon.

JESUS.... You see Halina you wanted to finish copying out the message on Holiness for Fr. Peter but you knew I wanted to speak with you. Well now you have the beginning and the end written you can go back to the middle tomorrow. You do not know how this happened for you checked where you had left off - yet you do- you omitted the middle. I can do all things even 'blind' you if I want your attention.
Why did you not respond to my call to go to the church this evening? I wanted to speak to you alone. I would have calmed your fears. It is vital that you give the .Rosebuds to Fr. Peter but let me guide you a little more. See how I showed you the perfect words to use at the start of the letter. You wanted to know how to start - opened the book wanting to know what she (Faustyna) had done and you were directed to the right page immediately. I want to do everything for you everything. Please do not hold back, not once for it impedes your growth in holiness and stops you living in My Heart continually. Little one do not lose heart about your father - I know he frightens you and waiting for death is very hard for you in this situation. Both father and daughter are learning but in totally different ways.

Halina -I asked you the other day - three times ' Do you trust Me' It made you think very carefully before you replied. You were reminded of St. Peter who was asked if he loved Me - three times But Halina you did not reply for you know that your trust is dependent on circumstances. You rely still on your feelings which make you dither a little. Depend wholly on Me Halina in all circumstances. Do not try to work things out or anticipate any thing unless guided to do so - While gifted with Trust you must correct those areas of your untrusting. You must trust that I will protect you against the enemy and against those who wish to destroy you, whose hearts chose evil. In spite of all the obstacles you continued trusting in Me when the processes of 'law' were brought down heavily against you you in the matter of your first marriage and its validity. You never then lost trust in Me. Yet over silly things you worry and fret. Please stop for they are counter signs and the devil can use these to prevent you from moving quickly to Me. Chuck him out with his evil thoughts. Please ponder this and do not let the trivial things impede - for in My plan of things they are of no import..

Halina sleep now precious one. I will bless your sleep. Please attend to My call on the first hearing. This too is an aspect not only of disobedience but Trust. I shall explain to you tomorrow.

Saturday 20th. November 1999 12.25a.m. Home.

I have felt Jesus call Me several times this evening or should I say an intense awareness of His Presence. I felt much blessed by going to confession not to my 'confessor' who is away, and waiting to go to him would mean waiting possibly a third week but to my/ our Parish Priest. He was direct and to the point and I was struck by his insight and humility.
I have also been reflecting again on trust and especially regarding the Mercy of God, Divine Mercy. I was guided last night ( again for Jesus seems to speak through this book to me via Blessed Faustyna's diary) to something which seem to be reassuring of my fathers difficulties i.e. that even when all seems lost we must not give up hope and pray for it is often in the last moments that repentance can change a person. I have been thinking about this for in the summer the " newly ordained priest had spoken much in the graced first confession about the labourers in the vineyard. I asked myself whether I really trusted God in His Divine Mercy- in those death bed conversions. I suppose part of me thinks that they are fantastic and what a kind God we have and that is perfectly fair but another part of me ( or on other days) that most people change in fear rather than contrition and doubt in the reality of such things. When reflecting on this it also occurred to me that some people do chose evil and some do reject conversion. It came to me that Jesus leaves us free but during the night Jesus nudged me by saying that the problem lay in peoples acceptance of his kindness and humanity but little acceptance of His Divinity. Thus we saw Jesus act like a good man in his dealing with men but not as God.
True Mercy is only attributed to God, Father Son and Spirit and that we can never evaluate it in human terms. Hence it is DIVINE Mercy. it takes on the characteristic of being inexplicable in human terms. So do I trust in His Mercy?
Jesus has again been subtly explaining to me about trust over the last days.

JESUS.... Halina.

Halina.... Yes Jesus....

JESUS.... Yes you see how I keep My promises I desert no one. I said I would explain and I have been drawing you to look closer and deeper. Gods Mercy is boundless and endless. It does not falter or need to be justified. Does the Creator need to be justified. He made you - you belong to Him. He will not lose anyone and grace is given until the end. Rejection is the final assault of the evil one on the soul and if man denies this grace and denied mercy and does not rely on it( trust in it) he will fail to respond and will despair and chose darkness and therefore evil. Despair is the final act of a lack of trust in the efficacy of God the Saviour and Redeemer. Even a little hope in the possibility of Gods Mercy and Love can bring a soul to the position of pleading. God responds with overwhelming love so the soul bathed in this love travels into light and not darkness and so it is saved from the fires of hell. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER give up hope in the Mercy of God. Trust in me.
Halina with your whole heart. Deeply trust in Me.
Trust is not just a " perhaps' and 'Hope' mentality but a true appreciation of the unfailing love of the Father for all His little sheep. Please trust. Please trust me completely. I NEVER fail a soul that puts its trust in Me. Trust allows you to fall into My Heart and find comfort therein - please trust in Me and never doubt My Blessings.

Now Halina, please remember that an act of disobedience however small means that you know better. If I call you at a particular moment it is a God given, God chosen moment - and it is the 'right' moment so that if you do not do as I ask you are saying that you do not trust My judgment. Now Halina put like that you are ashamed and feel that.....'no that's not how you feel' (That I do not trust in his judgment) - but stop for a second and ponder. I do not make mistakes - if I ask (for) something of you I have My reason and My timing is perfect. Sometimes your delay teaches you something and because I understand your delay I tolerate and indeed respect your delay but it does not mean that to respond to My bidding at once is not, in fact, to have chosen the better part. Remember I know all about you. All your faults and failings. Halina do not practice untrustingness but complete trust in all my attributes.
Now I want you to send this Rosebud to Fr. Peter poste - haste, write it out tomorrow ( Sunday - your tomorrow ) and send it on Monday. Please do as I ask it is crucial that you do so. I will not give you a reason for this but I want you to do this.
Please reflect on what your confessor said. My words on the simple path and not being able to do everything. Yes, many things are going through your heart for I brought back the words given to you. Seemingly so few yet so sweet and so full. Pray - I will guide you. Pray.
Speak to My Mother- She will help you - I know you love her as I love her - its a gift and Grace. Now be still and Pray.

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