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Thursday 2nd. December 1999 10.30.p.m. Home Huntingdon. Lucis (Eldest daughters ) birthday.

In the name of the Father Son and Holy Spirit.
JESUS....So its Lucy's birthday and Mummy' s grieving heart is respected and all three of your children 'call' today - A little gift to you for bearing her. 
H.... Thank you Jesus.
JESUS....You have wanted to summarise the many events of the past weeks and have been unable to do so for you are tired and now stressed, as well the 'evil' one pursue you avidly, Little Cactus, for his desperation to steal you is great, but in the fury of his anger at having lost, he wishes to disrupt everything you do, makes life very difficult for you. First your father and now your brother and so many little attacks all coming at the same time to weaken you. Turn away, Halina turn your back on Satan. Protect your father whose weakness both physical and spiritual are now so apparent to you. Use the Prayer of Deliverance often and call on My Mother. She stamps on his head - he hates Her and her Name ( Before each attack Jesus asked me if I trusted Him. I affirmed this thereby making an act of Faith)
Little one I shall summarise for you the events so that you do not spend too much time writing out all the events, but the most important elements. Three weeks past you woke with Eltisely, a name unknown. First you found a house there. Second you found a vicarage for rent, and lastly Fr. Nicholas told you about a new development at Cambourne, near Eltisely, available soon courtesy of the builder. His many attempts to get you to see the Bishop about the Society you resisted following the dictates of our Spiritual Director and our own intuition. Finally, things came close to home with the Bishops visitation to our Parish. Once again you consulted Fr. Peter and his "NO" confirmed your intention. You did speak to the Bishop but fraternally and not as S.O.L.T. members. Well done. Your obedience will be rewarded for all is not ready yet for such an endeavour.
Your friendship with Fr. Nicholas grows and is being guided by Myself and the Holy Spirit. He too is guiding you, but he is being guided too. Do not be too reluctant to open yourself up to him, for I will never permit you to be harmed by him. Neither will I abandon him. He is a true pastor and confessor and I wish you now to continue to confess yourselves to him. Michael must write to Fr. Shaffiq urgently otherwise much ground will be lost.
You are experiencing much physical and emotional pain, but it is the spiritual pain that drains your spirit. Halina spend more time in prayer - much more. You can resist your fathers onslaughts if you have to do so, if you are in prayer. Do not bow to the wiles of his hatred of 'good' and spiritual things. He resists the fact that these things matter and are real to you. Yet he has never opened himself up to them in any way. Halina, defeat him with prayer- much prayer and fasting. Make Friday a fast day - bread and water from morning to sunset, tea if you must. Tell Michael simply to give up sugar and sweets, but not to fast in the same way for it would damage his health at this time. 

Now Halina - you were given the word Adveniat Regnum Tuum - Thy Kingdom Come. You listened so carefully to the Pre- Advent and Early Advent readings of the Coming of Jesus. My people do not believe that I am coming again- They play games with time, prophecy, they make light of this My Second Glorious return. They also focus on Christmas and the coming of Me, Jesus to hearts at the festival - but the Second Coming is not the first. The second coming is a victorious one and far outstrips the importance of the first, for the first brought about Redemption and Salvation - the second gathers up the Fruits of all that was achieved and delivers them up to the Father. " They shall be sorted good from bad, just from wicked and all shall see the Glory of God. the time of the end is soon so very soon, but you continue as if the Second Coming is some sort of fairy tale - a myth. Have you not learnt like My people of Judah had to learn from your prophets that I mean what I say. I will return and you will be surprised and amazed. Rejoice for the hour is near. Rejoice for I know My sheep and they know Me. Rejoice for the Herald of the New Dawn is already approaching. Prepare ye the way of the Lord. Yes, prepare now. Yes, think of Bethlehem - think and pray that God became Man to save and deliver Man from the bondage of sin and death. Think of My Mother and Foster Father and how Holiness brought them exquisite sorrow and joy.
Halina with the Word " Thy Kingdom Come' you received shortly afterwards the word of a poem, reflection on My Mother. Please place the original in this book but write out the whole poem on the next page. You were given the first three lines directly, the rest were given deep inside your spirit. Reflect on the mysteries during Advent.
( When I first received the poem I did not expect to have to put it into the book and so wrote it on a piece of paper. I then did as Jesus asked and copied it into the book on yet another sheet as the Lord was still speaking.
Thy Kingdom Come. Thy will be done. (Adveniat Regnum Tuum)
Given 27.11.99 and written out on the 7. 12 .99.

Mary, did you find Him in your womb
or find Him in your heart?
Did you have a captivated start
The Fathers will be done
and you bore a Son?
Did you belong to Him
and He to you?
Was He your baby 
and you His baby too?
Which did you begin to know
the sorrow or the joy
or did He enter your
spiritual Domain before
the Dawn of Man
and the Father, Son made
you rich
before your earthly niche
was confirmed by birth?
Did you begin to understand
and withstand the knowing
by the grace of foregoing
the respect of Man!
Did you pass the test
when He came to stay
or were you shaped to
display that which the Father 
gave to shape your destiny?

Mother, I plead with you 
make me a true bearer
of your Word.
Let His Presence
be a word to 
enlighten me and,
Mother I plead with thee
a word
reborn to make
others see the
splendour of your Reality
and the path to
Adveniat Regnum Tuum-
May the Truth set us free.
Mother of Mine,
Enable me like Thee
to proclaim His
Being and be
Hidden in Mystery

Now, Halina, I wish to give you the next Rosebud. I want you to go to your book case again and pick up the third book on the second shelf. Go now. (I picked up 'Jesus Our Eucharistic Love' by Father Mancelli, a Franciscan Friar of the Immaculate) Now please open the book at random. Pray for guidance. What greets your eyes Halina?
H.... "Jesus I Adore You" - a whole discourse on Eucharistic Adoration (p.65).
JESUS.... Yes, Halina - and what do you feel?
H.... Deep sadness, for we have abandoned this - not by intent, but by unavailability.
JESUS.... And have you protested, pleaded, begged - ??- Oh how easily you give up.
Halina, I shall give you two Rosebuds together because they are intertwined - though you will be able to separate them if you have to in the future quite easily.
The Rosebuds are ADORATION and ENDURANCE ( or Fortitude), but I prefer you to use the title Endurance.
Already you see the interconnection in your heart. A dart of foreknowing for both are close to your heart and you are failing at both because one feeds the other. Yes, you are 'enduring' but endurance as a virtue is a holy gift, a joy that enables you to suffer with great dignity and placidity all the torment, fears and trials. But you cannot do this without the Adoration of God the Almighty which you are used to - for it is there that you learn perseverance and placidity, awe and sacrifice.
Halina, why have you abandoned Me? Where are you? I look for you before Me, I am with you always, but I need to have you close to My Eucharistic Heart for I manifest Myself to you. You know how often I have done this during Communion and Adoration. I shall continue to do so, but please be present to Me as I am to you. Plead with Father Nicholas for more, if necessary, before the Tabernacle at first.
Halina, I shall talk to you first of Adoration because I want you to pray about this at this time. You miss your time with Me on Tuesdays and at the Magnificat meal hours of Adoration.
Adoration. Who else can you adore? - No one. You speak of adoring friends and lovers, foods and things, countries and books, but you must adore NO ONE but your God - NO ONE must come before Me. Nothing takes pride of place. To Adore is to put Love - all your love at the feet of the Greatest Lover and ask for that Love to be transformed. Adoring your Saviour, Eucharistic Lord is to acknowledge Mystery. It is to say humbly 'I do not understand but I believe with my whole being and because You have said so I trust in Your words. I believe You are before me - Truly Wholly present. I bow before You. I love You for all You have done for Me - I love You so much that my soul is enraptured by You and raises itself up to look at Your Body and be filled with Radiant Love - an Immense Love - an overwhelming love - passionate love. I adore - I adore You, My beautiful Redeemer- Ja cie Kocham - Moj Zbawicielu - I am totally given over to You- I cannot live without You - I cannot exist without You- I long to see You so revealed'.
Halina, how often have you felt this and yet you pretend you can survive without Me Eucharistically -No, you cannot and you never will - you will become impoverished for I manifest myself to you in so many different ways and manners. You understand the imperative yet you shun the action or play a kind of game with yourself for I am present to you. but if that was sufficient for you would I call you to so adore. You promised as a Missionary of the Eucharist to adore Me for one hour a week - not one a month. Do so. DO so urgently. --
You, in charity , understand how passionately your brothers and sisters in My Body spread the word without realising My Eucharistic Presence, but they have not been given all the Truth. Yet their ardour for the Word brings them to be so passionate for Me that they learn Adoration of the Heart and they fall in love with Me- ( Jesus is referring to Christians not in Communion with Rome)
Yet you - Sons and Daughters of the Last Supper, Believers in the Presence of My Body within the Form of Bread, Really, Completely Present, you have no fire in your loins. Shame on you. Shame for you keep the Truth hidden for fear of exposure or ridicule. You have much to learn from your brothers and sisters in My Body. It is My Body - ever and always My Body. You are all part of My Body, My Body hidden and visible - always united with My Father and with each other.

Your eyes fell on the back of the book and the words that I drew you to; " The Faith Of the Church", ,Pope Pius X11 teaches us, " is this - that one and identical is the word of God and the Son of Mary Who suffered on the Cross, Who is present in the Eucharist and Who rules in Heaven".

Yes Halina, I Jesus AM - I am always Present- I am always available. I am always given to My Father. I am always visible to those who wish to see Me- in the Eucharist.

Tell, nay teach others this Truth - Do not delay - You know the verity,- the truth of this statement. You have been gifted with this intimacy of Presence. Halina, beg them to adore and reverence Me - beg, plead, supplicate, explain, cajole and suffer the rejection I feel for love of Me. Your wounded heart is My gift to you and your gift to Me. Halina, tell them to seek Me not in the market but in the Tabernacles, for many will find Me there. I call many to carry out My tasks. There are many works that My Father wishes to entrust to spread the Kingdom. This is yours.

Pray now. Tell Michael, and I shall give you more instruction about this and how to endure when there is no Presence for man has destroyed the Eucharist, My Body.

Saturday 4th December 1999.
Astonishing. My astonishment.
It was my turn to go to evening Mass and I was amazed at the readings as they contained both the second coming and the words 'Prepare ye the way of the Lord. Make a straight path ( Isaiah 40:15) . The second reading contained the New Heavens and the New Earth ( 1 Peter 3:8-14) and then Mark1 :1-8) Wow Wow!

Before Mass we had intended to both go to confession. As I was to stay for Mass, Michael went first - He usually returns promptly - as he seemed delayed it added to my own disease at going for I felt I needed to sort out whether I should tell him ( the confessor, our pastor) about the messages or whether it should be in the confessional as it had already occurred that I had to confess something that Jesus had revealed to me and it became difficult to explain. Jesus has already told me to trust him more and I felt that I and needed to pray about this and consult Fr. Peter. However Michael returned with just about enough time for me to go across to the church. Feeling uncomfortable i said to myself 'I shall see if Fr. Nicholas is there, if not i shall take it as a sign. I had a feeling that he would be though. I had prepared ' a little;' in case. he was not in the confessional though this was within 10 mins of the special time. Michael also said later that he had come late anyway - so that he must only have stayed a few minutes ( very unusual- untypical) Now Jesus is so kind because I will only have to wait a few days before our meeting with Fr. Peter and I can ask to go on our return.

Three visions received during Mass. I saw these interiorly.
1. I saw darkness and in the darkness the faces and the top halves of people. They were more skull like faces, very haggard with the veins standing and the blood vessels were prominent (somewhat foetal) At first I thought they were people crying tears of blood but then I saw that they were gaunt and in distress - unable to speak - no one to answer me 'who are you' yet they seem to be in pain.
Above them - high above was a glimmer of gold Light.
( Earlier I had prayed whilst sewing for the souls 'far back' in purgatory - maybe these are connected.) 

2.I saw Jesus Crucified - quite large.
Then like a small tableau to the left as I looked I saw Mary resplendent in a blue jewelled garment and a hat/crown again jewelled like a very regal version of ( a previous vision) of Mary (which I refer to as Mary outside the walls) The robe in shape was utterly beautiful and queen like. Before Her appeared some children which She noticed. She knelt down on one knee to speak to them - a kind of stoop. They were enraptured.

3. Straight in front of me ( Interiorly) I saw falling from above - pebbles - like octagonal coins, a kind of murky gold - quite large ( size of a two pound coin) and larger. A thick blanket of these rained down.
Behind this I could see a throne on a kind of sleigh/chariot- podium-covered in red cloth with Jesus and Mary and Angels and Saints- but I could not see them clearly. At first they were to the left, to the side, then behind these pebbles - but still not clear.
I am not sure what this signifies.?

Saturday /Sunday 5th. December 1999 Midnight.

JESUS.... As you have your book open Halina you may as well continue to write on Adoration and Endurance. My dear child, I saw you look longingly at the Tabernacle and awed by the readings. I saw what you thought and gave you a present, confirmation of the last Rosebud and visions. Pray about these. You have nearly grasped them. the pebbles- are they pebbles Halina? Pray- what do you need at the present moment?-Why were we ready on the Throne ? Halina, ask the Holy Spirit to enlighten you ( you do forget) and ask Fr. Peter too.
If you see the eyes of two people in love they are alight- their eyes are full of joy and peace. So too are the eyes of My little ones who look upon Me with love. My love is so great that, that Light stays with them as it penetrates their souls and enlightens their spirit. Why then do My shepherds not allow My children to sit by Me and look into My face? Why do they not walk with Me to Calvary and die with Me so that the Bread of Life, My Body can be given to My children as food for their journeys. Today Mankind does not adore that which gives them life, but that which gives them death. Today the churches, My Churches, are closed and the Tabernacles empty or removed. Today My Shepherds teach falsehood to My little children, My small ones, My poor ones, My beloved lost ones. They cry, but their cry is not heard by these wolves, these prowling hyenas, for they seek to destroy and attack My little ones, My precious lambs. BUT Heaven hears their cry. Their cry reaches the Ears of all the Angels and Saints, My Precious Mother and My Father. How long do you think He will allow this to go on.
If you have no Eucharist - you do not have My Presence Bodily among you. You have the Spirit of God and you have My Word - you have Me but you cannot digest the Word in the same way as you can eat My Flesh and drink My Blood, for it is real food indeed. Halina - Scream louder. Oh Israel - oh Judah - oh Gentile People - All My People- go plead with your Shepherds - do not give up - for many of them need your encouragement. I will deal with the false but you must encourage the weak but true Shepherds. Halina - Fall on your knees to the father and plead for such as these.
Halina if you sense the absence of My Body, My Presence - Call to My Father and you shall be fed but do not tarry in such a place. I shall make it clear to you when I am not present and you will know. You have a sense of this already. Halina cry to the Father. My People must be fed. If they would but watch and pray one hour with Me - their lives would change. Is it too much to ask that one hour be spent adoring the God who made them, breathed life into them, sustains them and Loves them even if they fall from grace and --sin. I search for the lost. You search too for the lost and bring them to Me. If they are of chaste and repentant heart I will welcome them with My heart wide open - they are My sons and daughters. Halina please Adore Me- do not be ashamed or frightened to show the extent of your love for Me or your belief in Me. Those who defend Me - I shall defend to My Father. But Halina you must love Me so totally that your love is conditional on nothing save giving All to Me. Leave nothing out - Give Me everything. Adore Me, Worship Me, Jesus before you. Me, Jesus Crucified. Me, Jesus the Transformer of life. Me, Jesus the gentle Shepherd - Son of the father, Son of Mary. Halina I plead with you keep your heart always for Me - do not turn away even for one second for you wound Me deeply. One second is enough to make me pine for you. I want to have all My sheep so close to My heart.
You will stay faithful in the coming days if your hearts are focussed on Me and Adore Me. One glance from Me will bring you back to Me again and again - but let me look at you - Kneel before Me - My beloved People. What do I have to call you My beloved for you to listen. My little bride tell them - I beg you tell them before it is too late and they will not be able to eat at My table and I will not know them. Halina plead for Me. You are a Eucharist - a thanksgiving to My Father. Lay yourself on the altar of Sacrifice for Me and My Body. If these words shock you do not let them disturb you. Pray and you will be shown a path. Prepare a path for me. Who else can make a straight path for Me today - only My littlest sheep for they bleat for me in distress - not understanding why 'They' have done this to me - 'the wise' - They are not wise - they are foolish virgins with unlit lamps. Some do not even light the lamps in My House - They will be caught out - yes and destroyed unless they change their ways.

Stop now for your mind cannot take any more though your spirit is willing. Await My call - I will continue soon. ADORATION ADORATION ADORATION.


ROSEBUD 13 and 14 continued.
Thursday / Friday 16th. December 1.10.a.m. Home Huntingdon.

JESUS.... Halina have you got home alright?
H.... Yes Jesus
JESUS.... Which home Halina? You now have the keys to go into the church at any time. Which keys unlock your front door Halina. You leave your home door unlocked and people enter. The church door is left open - quite often but so few go in. Halina which is the true key to your heart. You enjoyed the hour with Me alone in the church this evening didn't you? You feel at home inside My house. I feel at home in your house too Halina - your spiritual house. I also wish to dwell in your home - not only in your heart.
Halina you were struck today by the name of a new fragrance called J'adore (Je t'adore) especially as I used the French language to you the last time I spoke. You felt that the words conveyed the meaning of adoration. Yet people adore the perfume not the Creator of the Heavenly fragrance of Perfection. Smelling sweet has become so important but no perfume can disguise the smell of idolatry. Man has made an idol out of the sweet smell of nature. I made the earth rich in smell and the pure perfumes were made to please Man. So too are the spiritual goods they are like a sweet fragrance rising to the Father. Prayer is such a sweet perfume.
J'adore means - I love you and adoration is the falling in love with me. What joy it brings My heart when you sit in front of Me telling Me you love Me It is better than all the sweet smells of 'this' world. Halina adore Me - nothing else - I call you to be an apostle of Love - an apostle of adoration- completely in love with Me and everything about Me. Adore My Presence at all times - in all circumstances. Where I have trodden you must follow. Follow My footsteps adoringly. Make your face reflect mine. Halina I wish to make known to you My plan for you which is starting to unfold quite quickly. Many things are in place.
Your father in all that struggle was given a preview of who you are before Me- that 'book' he said he read - will be written one day- I read it ( my addition=to him) in his spirit - it was to help him. You were right to make him reflect on inner peace ( pokoj - room in Polish - he wanted to know how long he would have to stay like this i.e. in bed in his room, - it also means peace) Your plea for him has reached Us in Heaven. Keep pleading for him. Today he has been more peace filled. Soon I will take him to another place- but I have given him some hope - if he can take it into his heart. A little haven in the midst of his sorrowful madness. His time is running out. Pray.

Halina My Father spoke to you on your birthday telling you that 'Can a father not give his daughter presents on her birthday' You have a Heavenly Father Halina one you can trust always. So you received the best gift of all your three children who arrived home for you ( with gifts) flowers, visits and this continued until Wednesday. What a birthday - a little sweetness in so much sorrow.
Halina your Heavenly Father knows your needs.

Please keep trusting Us in all circumstances. Your daughters 'early' return is also for a purpose.
Halina is your heart bursting with love for Me. Do you adore Me - really adore Me - thinking no one else can be like Me - then let your love show. How else will others know of your love.
Halina share more with Fr. Nicholas - much more. He is eager to help.
Halina if you persevere, endure to the end your reward will be great in Heaven.
Halina stop now and I will call you - have some rest now.

Monday 20th. December 1999 Home Huntingdon.
Chris our friend in Tabor Trust and before, was received into full Communion- was received by the Lord Jesus at the altar of Sacrifice, Confirmed and Much blessed (Bridge Chapel ST. Ives 18th December) Also in the early hours Michaels Uncle Harold died, father of the cousins who visited us, and my niece Justyna was Married in Kingston, Canada.
What a day.
The Mass at St. Ives were Chris was received was of Unity and the reading was all about homes and houses ( Ezekiel).
On Sunday this was replicated with Isaiah. Interior homes survive.
Our friendship with Fr. Nicholas grows more steadfast and secure and more spiritual.
We simply cannot get over Gods kindness to us. How we have been guided. (We were given the house we live in in the most astonishing way)
I also have the key to the church.
1.10.a.m. Having returned from prayer tonight I felt Jesus call me.
JESUS.... Halina- What did you see after Communion today- 
H.... Your Mother, My Mother Mary - She was holding you in her arms, with a scapular in her left hand and in her right she held a blue book which she lent down and tried to give me I could not see what it was but I don't think it was new and it had sort of emblem on the cover.-
JESUS....Yes that's right Halina - it had the Keys of St Peter on the front.
H.... What was the book Jesus I don't Know.?
JESUS....Ask Fr. Nicholas. he will tell you.
Halina have you pondered on the words of Fr. Nicholas in Confession? Why have you stopped writing Halina?
H.... Because Jesus I have gone blank I can remember some of the main elements of the first part with words such as.......( Here I summarise what what said not in terms of sins ,fault but recommendations
JESUS....Quite a good summary but some things you have omitted. If you do not fully grasp- ask for it will be repeated. Listen to him carefully for he carries My words to you as sure as these. I speak in many ways to you Halina. Be more attentive. Speak less listen more- much more. Listen to him for both your sakes. ( his and yours) and of course Michael must too.
What about fasting Halina? I asked you to fast on Fridays I had to help you last Friday ( we didn't get time to eat!) as you had already forgotten.
Please pick this up more - Ask him what he would suggest to you - do not be reticent or afraid.

Halina, Do you adore Me - one who adores will go and do anything for the one whom he/she adores. It doesn't matter what hardships befall. The love of a just man endures all things . The love of God endures forever - as it says in the psalm you sing with such fervour.
Yes My love is faithful it endures forever. Notice how the word endures has 'end' as its prefix- it is to the very end. Can your love for Me endure to the very end of your life?
H.... I hope so Jesus
JESUS.... Yes, it will but it waxes and wanes and varies a little sweet one. I need you love to be constant unwavering and steadfast.
There are times of enduring bitter trials and persecutions. All manner of things will be sent to try you and My Holy Church. Can you swallow the pill of persecution? And what will you do when it is impossible to adore Me in the Eucharist - when the Churches will be closed and the tabernacles empty and desecrated? Will your love for Me endure. Will you be able to make a spiritual bond with Me so strong that nothing will break the bond. You have already suffered the loss of frequent Adoration before Me in the Sacred Host. Adore Me in the Tabernacle. Then Halina Adore me in your heart. This is the time of courageous endurance. Remember what I told you of courage - to be in the heart of God. Courage, true courage is a gift of the Holy Spirit but it is not the same as fortitude which does not require acts but has more to do with staying power, but especially linked with suffering You may wonder why I gave you this Rosebud that seems to be so similar to Courage First, I linked it with Adoration but second it has one distinctive feature and that is to be able to endure under suffering. You were surprised to find that Endurance and Fortitude mention suffering and pain -being able to withstand these - so the dictionary told you. True courage requires you to be so in the heart of God that you go forward in security without fear. Fortitude and Endurance requires you to endure all suffering and difficulty for Love of Me - to stay in a place of pain with great love and peace - totally surrendered to My will. Can you see the difference. They are closely related but different in the circumstance in which they are practiced. Endurance leads to and encourages Trust Trust is necessary in order to endure. Yes Halina this requires spiritual wisdom to understand. Please ponder these words carefully for in the days to come you will require both Courage and Endurance. You can have neither without making Me the Centre and Adoring me. Lovers gladly die for each other. Will you die for Me Halina? Are you ready to endure further pain. Halina answer me truthfully.....
H.... Yes Jesus I am thinking, searching my heart
JESUS.... Halina yes, you are. Please pray about this. I will ask you again. You know I will not desert you ever and I do sometimes give you surprises also - Remember Joy and Sorrow- But more Sorrow lead to greater Joy. Halina I have spared you some things until now but you are being formed for more suffering. Yet I will not ask this of you unless you are willing to follow my footsteps exactly.
Which 'station' of the Cross moved you deeply?
H.... --- being nailed to the Cross.
JESUS.... Yes ---because it is where you are at present. You have joined me but I still have only a partial yes- best intention Halina but not total commitment to this path - this road. Please consider this carefully. Are you willing to endure ALL for Love of Me. I shall ask you again tomorrow. Pray about this. If you need speak to Fr. Nicholas or Fr. Peter (It is at this point that Jesus uses his Christian name rather than surname saying "Fr. ...Or Fr. Peter as you now call him") Do not worry I will not let you step over the line marked out for each of them as guides.
Little one sleep now. Little Cactus
H.... Goodnight Jesus and Mummy Mary. Eternal Rest grant to William ( In the "Coffin" in the Church curiously consoling company).

Thursday 23rd?/24th December 2.15.a.m. Home.

It is my youngest daughters birthday and all three children have arrived home for Christmas- Mary be with us.
Last night while in church Jesus did ask for my reply - very succinctly - " Well, what is your answer?" My Answer is "Yes".
Strangely from that moment I feel both a sense of deep peace and yet at the same time a sense of aloneness and a sense of 'withdrawal' of Jesus' tangible Presence.
I also did as Jesus bid and asked Fr. Nicholas to clarify the point about fasting, and also I asked him to tell me what the book was Mary handed to me. Almost straight away he retorted 'The Old Testament", for it was a book She would have been well versed in.
H.... You were right Jesus - he did know. He was also helpful on the issue of fasting.

JESUS.... See how I instruct you - there are many things that you still have to learn and it is important that you do so quickly. There are aspects of your spiritual life that have to be brought further under discipline so that you can bloom.

My dear Cactus, I will help you now by means of the confessional, but you must remain honest and humble before our confessor. you are before him as a penitent, so listen carefully to what he says to you.
Pray that your heart is open and your spirit cleansed so that you can be a bearer of the Good News of the Eucharist.
Now go to sleep - and Pray.

Monday 3rd. of January 2000 12.12.a.m. Home Huntingdon.

JESUS.... Halina, try to concentrate on My words to you and not your fathers ravings even though it is difficult. Tonight you have a nurse to help you care for him. Let her do her job and you do yours. She is a good woman and prayerful.
Halina, your body has been blighted to save your father's further distress but not only for this reason. I have given you time to read and reflect on St. Peter Julian Eymard's life. he is an Apostle of the Eucharist and you can learn much from him. I want you to reread the section you have completed on the nature of his vocation and the 'rule'. You found it hard going and partly because it was his call, and partly because the pain in your head made it difficult for you to concentrate. In reality you are speaking the same language of Eucharistic Love. Please pray about this.

Prepare well for your visit to Fr. Peter. By this I mean, be ready to be utterly truthful but also succinct for you have much to relate and also much to learn. LISTEN carefully. You are at a pivotal point and you must be utterly obedient to your call to be My Apostle, but also to be obedient to your Director.

Dear Halina, the price you must pay is the totality of your self- giving - a total sacrifice. Endurance as gift starts when all that is human fails you and you feel that you cannot go on. Then if you pray the Great Encourager fills you with the Holy Gift of Endurance to withstand all trials and hardships. You have learnt this again with your father as you did before. You are now much more resigned to Our Will for him, though you still have moments of desolation. Let go completely, Halina. Do only what is necessary to sustain his life.

Halina, please continue to pray for those that come to you, for they come not to you or Michael but for the Waters of Life that I have poured into your spirits.

Speak My words with love and passion. Do not hold back, for I will not let you harm anyone so you do not have to be afraid.

Please be secure in Our friendship. Please wait on My words and then speak them.

Please get Michael to pass you The Bible, nay let him open It. 
What has he found: Lamentation 3 ? First the despondency of a broken man - then the hope of help mercy and learning to be patient. You were amazed as this later verse 25/25/27/ is what you read at little Stephanie's funeral. Can you see the deeper meaning? You can see sorrow as joy, trial as potential victory, pain as possible sacrifice. But not so your father, as he cannot grasp the Fathers Will. So too many of My People cannot understand a God Who both loves and corrects them and wishes to teach them. They have become unteachable, like the People of Israel in the desert, preferring their ways to 'Mine'. Open their heart to My Will and My Heart, Halina. The Heart of the Trinity is an eternal force of Love. The Son, Jesus, will come again to gather all the little sheep all the people who love the Lord their God.

Halina please do not listen to your fathers rambling - please deepen your awareness of My Presence - for it is Satan who wishes to distract you. Stop Halina and lift up your heart ------ See he stops.

Cactus, - Little Cactus- Soon your little buds will open and become splendid flowers, which will be smelt by everyone and will draw others to where you live. You are a desert flower remember, so you will always put your roots into the deepest soil to anchor. They will come to this desert to find their roots and wish to plant them too, so that they too cannot be uprooted when the storms come and batter their house.
Halina, Cactus Flower, the Rosebuds grow on thorns. No rose grows without thorns. When they placed a Crown of Thorns on My Head, they made My Body bleed huge drops of red Blood, which fell to the ground watering it. In each space grew a 'rose', a blessing, a gift for Mankind. 
When they nailed Me to the Cross, the fountain of Blood created a fertile soil for hundreds of flowers to bloom in the dry and arid soil. You, Halina Child, born in My land of birth and death are such a flower. Roses bloom in the desert too next to Cacti. Sometime they intertwine. You are a flower of the desert and around you will grow roses. Each rose will be of a different hue.
You do not understand........... No you don't, but pray on this and learn about your Rosebuds well.

Now, Halina, go to confession before you see Fr. Peter. You did not receive this gift last Friday, but please do so before your journey. Pray that you make a good confession - ask your Saintly friends to help you. You now have another, St. Peter Julian, though he has always been close to you. Please tell Fr. Peter of him too.

Halina - Bless yourself with the Sign of the Cross and sleep now, for your pain will not allow you to write more.
Thank you ,Cactus- Little sweet Cactus. I love you.
H.... I love You too, Jesus. Goodnight, my Lovely Lord and only Hope.

Thursday 6th of January 2000 12.30.a.m. Feast of the Epiphany. Home Huntingdon.

Returned home after visiting Fr. Peter. The Lord provided an excellent sitter for my father.
All the questions of my heart were answered and we were able to bring to the fore many things but especially.................
JESUS.... Halina, Stop I wish to talk to you and you wish to tell Me what you did. Halina I WAS there with you and understand better than you the dynamics of this very special meeting.
At present you do not understand the Role that Fr. Peter is playing and will continue to play in your life. Neither do you understand the importance of the book he gave you about his co- founders. You are curious but it is Michael who asked for it and he must read it first. Be patient. you must finish Peter Julian's life. 
Halina I solemnly declare to you that the illumination which you received regarding the House of Prayer is My Will for you. Peter Julian's vision will be fulfilled, but you must go further with his vision according to My Will for you. You have been given insight about this in the past, now put your illumination into concrete action. First share your thoughts with a carefully chosen group of people. So to you must share them with Nicholas your pastor. Do not be afraid or put off by some responses. A house will be found, but remember it is to be a home for all not an institution or institute - a home where I am the Sole Provider of all Good - (Jesus smiles) I shall feed your souls and your bodies. Do not worry about any thing and please trust in Me. It is My Mothers house as I have told you often before. It is She who will guide you to the right place, but it is already being prepared for you and you have seen it.
You have great need of prayer at this moment, for you must follow every indicator of My Will for you. Every turn is pre-planned and, like a jig-saw puzzle, it will all fit together. Make a list of those who might be interested in this house and pray for each one in turn, and I will reveal to you what to do and who to contact. Do not be alarmed at this. Do not be surprised either by the route by which others might come. I have shown you a path, now take it. Those who are not willing to adore and spend time with Me will make themselves known by their cold-heartedness.
Halina, when you read the words of St. Peter J Eymard you knew and you saw a spectrum unfold - a multi-coloured rainbow of hope for the future and a way forward. Do not lose sight of any part of what I revealed to you in those precious moments.. Everything you shared with Fr. Peter will come to fruition, but not all in your life time either. I build and use many stones, sometimes one upon the other. But do not get despondent, for more will be achieve than you can ever imagine and one day you will praise God for all eternity.

Thorns Halina - Ah Yes - You already know it too, but how carefully you were reminded of these. Your crown will intensify as you walk that path of sorrow and joy. Michael is very important to you at this time. Two by two, I school them and send them forth. Uphold Marriage, Halina, as a holy estate, a noble calling. I need heralds of this too. 

Soon I will require of you another sacrifice. No, do not fear - your children are protected.

Please spend more time with Me alone. Pray about the request and question that Fr. Peter and Fr. Nicholas has put to you about contact with each other. If you spend time with Me, I will tell you and it will become clear what you should do.

I wish to conclude the Rosebud on Adoration and Endurance, (so) - please be ready to open your book. I wish to lead you to the next Rosebud, and you will be surprised by it. Spend more time in writing, Halina.

Soon you will undergo many journeys, most of them unexpected. Halina, do not shield your heart. Please ask for purity of intention from the Holy Spirit of God and seek guidance from Him and your confessor and your Spiritual Director, who are crucial at this time.

Halina, I love you. Thank you for staying awake when sleep was overcoming you. See I kept you awake with good things. 

After these two Rosebuds, Adoration and Endurance, the care of my dear father became even more acute.
I did little journal keeping or reflective writing and nearly all the communications were direct locutions, messages.
It was in this period that we received an outline of our specific call and mission
The night before my father's death (18th January 2000 ) my Mother Mary spoke to me interiorly consoling and encouraging me. In great peace after a long illness and struggle he died in the early hours of the 19th of January surrendered finally to the tender arms of Jesus and Mary.
Jesus in His tender care did not give me the next Rosebud though. He continued to speak to me and teach us, respecting the many things we had to do for the funeral, delayed through circumstance and simply because of our grief and exhaustion.
Poignantly the next Rosebud was Patience - what a lesson in this.
Thus the messages received were on the 13th, 18th 28th and 29th of January
The funeral was on the 1st February followed by locutions on the 7th, 9th and the 16th/17th February containing the next Rosebud.

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